My personal hero

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My personal hero

#1

Post by W9FTV »

Bill D. Catt. R.I.P

Born the illegitimate kitten of Jim Davis' Garfield, Bill the Cat's character was raised in Dubuque, Iowa, left for New York to become a film star and left his girlfriend, Sally, behind. Some of Bill the Cat's film roles include the leads in Orangestoke: The Legend of Bill, Lord of the Monkeys and Terms of Bill's Endearment. During this period, he drank heavily, used illegal drugs, and "free-based Tender Vittles" until his friends helped him to recover. On September 30, 1983, Bill drove his Ferrari into a cactus at 140 miles per hour, dying instantly in the crash (the media, not wishing to divulge the true nature of Bill's death, claimed that he died of acne). The only part of Bill that was salvaged from the wreckage was his tongue, which young genius Oliver Wendell Jones used to clone Bill and bring him back to life. In the latter months of 1984, Bill's bid for the American presidency was effectively ruined by his decision to run off and join (and end up leading) the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh cult in Oregon, only to be "rescued" and deprogrammed several weeks later by a humorous application of the Ludovico technique (by forcing him to watch reruns of Leave It to Beaver); this was ultimately unsuccessful and Bill was sent off to the Betty Ford Center. In the video A Wish for Wings That Work Opus professes to have saved Bill from a lab where his brains had been replaced with tater tots.

Bill spent time as an unintelligible rock star who sang and played "electric tongue" with his heavy metal band Deathtöngue, later Billy and the Boingers. Bill got rich when their song "U-Stink-But-I-♥-U" became a jingle for Wheat Thins, but he did not share the wealth with his bandmates. Although Bill was the front-cat of Billy and the Boingers, the band excluded him and disbanded when it became public that he spent his nights staying up late, reading the Bible with a nun. After this incident, Bill became the televangelist "Fundamentally Oral Bill", parodying (and, in the Bloom County universe, rivaling) real-life televangelists such as Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker and Oral Roberts.

Bill was accused of treason for sending secrets to the Soviet Union with the unwitting assistance of his lover Jeane Kirkpatrick. Secrets he sold included: Secret antiperspirant, the secret formula of Coke, the secret of the Sierra Madre, and the secret of George Bush's appeal (the secret being that he does not have any appeal). He was exchanged to the Soviets for accused spy Cutter John. While in Russia, he was responsible for the Chernobyl nuclear disaster, and was traded back soon afterward. The reason he stated for returning to the US was, as he put it, "to make some dough," although this reason was edited by Milo into the more PR-friendly "to once again walk the green grass of freedom."

Bill the Cat twice won the National Radical Meadow Party's nomination to run for President of the United States (POTUS), in 1984 and 1988, despite being dead in the first instance, and despite having a vocabulary that mainly consisted of "Aack!" He lost twice, once because of coughing up a fur ball on Connie Chung, not to mention several scandals, including an unauthorized biography written by Albert Goldman exposing him as a vegesexual, and a Bartles & Jaymes junkie. The second was plagued with scandals. In spite of this political affiliation, he embarked on a torrid love affair with Jeane Kirkpatrick, then was later used as the primary source for an illegal cat-sweat-based baldness cure. His brain was replaced with Donald Trump's (who had been hit with his yacht's anchor while sunbathing in New York Harbor).

Bill the Cat returned to comics in Berkeley Breathed's now canceled strip, Opus, which ran from November 23, 2003 through November 2, 2008. Given Bill's ostensible death and revival by tongue cloning (à la Sleeper), his carcass was suggested as the source of the recent BSE (aka "Mad Cow Disease") epidemic. Later, he was chosen as the new mayor of Bloom County. He got the message when he was playing Garfield at a mall promotion (the child in his lap asked her father if Garfield had died). Mayoral efforts for Bill and Opus involved forcing low-jeans teenagers to wear suspenders. Bill, however, lost an election a few months later because of an affair with Paris Hilton.

:Rolling:
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: My personal hero

#2

Post by WZ7U »

W9FTV wrote: Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:36 pm Bill D. Catt. R.I.P...
His brain was replaced with Donald Trump's (who had been hit with his yacht's anchor while sunbathing in New York Harbor).
:Rolling:
:Goodpost:

So,..... whose brain is in Cheeto Mussolini's head? :shock:

:Yeahthat:
de Eric, WZ7U, CN86jc
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Re: My personal hero

#3

Post by AC8UN »

Aack!
Now civilized for your protection. :Grin:
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Re: My personal hero

#4

Post by W9FTV »

Thpfffft!
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: My personal hero

#5

Post by W9FTV »

W9FTV wrote: Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:36 pm Bill D. Catt. R.I.P

When I was in TT school in the Coast Guard (eons ago, we still used real copper wire) someone had painted a unit patch mural with the Bloom County characters in our day room. I've been trying to find a photo of it, but it's probably gone for good.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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