Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#11

Post by W9FTV »

Yodelling Pete felt that he'd hit bottom when he'd pimped himself out as the Lonely Goatherd for middle school productions of The Sound of Music. He'd believed that after that ultimate humiliation, things would start looking up, but they never seemed to. Somehow, his ass found itself planted in a seat at Clam Falls only bar, The Puking Buzzard crying into a Stroh's beer. Floyd was pretty hammered, but he for once in his life, took pity on the stranger and bought him another Strohs. After a few more, the pair bonded more or less over the shared self-inflicted misery that ruled their lives. "Hey, Floyd slurred, wanna go get some tofu? I know an all night vegan joint with an out of this world cauliflower steak."
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#12

Post by K9ase »

Bubbathegimp wrote: Fri Aug 02, 2019 8:58 pm Very few people knew of the secret behind Monkey Fry dust, That It was the reason why the J-Pole factory there in Clam Falls Wisconsin was so famous for their products.

Who would imagine that Monkey fry Dust worked even better than Signal Lube when applied properly during manufacture.

The secret process took DECADES to perfect.

The only thing was, That instead of snapping into a Slim Jim, everybody wanted to lick a pole...
Pole licking had become strictly forbidden in Clam Falls ever since Margie Janikowski had been caught licking a pole outside the Clam Falls Baskin Robbins looking for a 32nd flavor.
Pole licking ran in Margie's family. Her sister Agnes had once been the pole licking champion in Poland where the family had come from. Margies talents weren't limited to pole licking though.
She'd been slowing developing a knack for applying signal lube and other lubes as well.
"Life is hard;It's harder when you're stupid"
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#13

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Margie, a Sunday school teacher, had honed her skills while moonlighting at the Chinese Buffet/Red Light District/Spy nest. She'd also picked up a bit a Cantonese and a smattering of Mandarin behind the plastic curtain. The whispers about the consulate and what went on there had intrigued her, but she didn't know who to turn to. Her dipshit husband still thought she was a virgin after 10 years of marriage and 2 children and her boyfriend, the pastor had his own demons to deal with. There was one person customer, she felt she might be able to rely on due to his outstanding qualities. Well, just one quality really. The problem was that they'd never really talked much since it's apparently damn near impossible to hold up one end of a conversation with one's mouth stuffed with 'pole': El Chorizo.

The next time El Chorizo came calling, he'd asked for Margie. He always did. "mmmph, Chozie?" she asked. "Can I tell you something?"
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#14

Post by K9ase »

W9FTV wrote: Sat Aug 03, 2019 1:46 pm Margie, a Sunday school teacher, had honed her skills while moonlighting at the Chinese Buffet/Red Light District/Spy nest. She'd also picked up a bit a Cantonese and a smattering of Mandarin behind the plastic curtain. The whispers about the consulate and what went on there had intrigued her, but she didn't know who to turn to. Her dipshit husband still thought she was a virgin after 10 years of marriage and 2 children and her boyfriend, the pastor had his own demons to deal with. There was one person

The next time El Chorizo came calling, he'd asked for Margie. He always did. "mmmph, Chozie?" she asked. "Can I tell you something?"
El Chorizo's ears pricked up and a tingle ran through him. It was the sort of feeling you get when discharging a capacitor with a screwdriver and having wet hands.
He could hear the lusty sound of Margie's voice calling him. He could always recognize her accent It was kind of half Mandarin mixed with southern Mississippi.
"Chorizo", Margie queried in a drawled out staccato tone. I believe I have figured out how to smuggle Monkey Fry dust To E.F. Johnson.
We can use pierogi. Momma's old family recipe will be just what we need. Chorizo replied, "what is a Pierogi?" Margie told Chorizo who was now becoming visibly excited
They're sort of a Polish ravioli. I think your people call them empanadas. "Now I get it" he exclaimed. We can stuff or is it fill these pierogi things with monkey fry dust and send them to the boss.
"Life is hard;It's harder when you're stupid"
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#15

Post by W9FTV »

Pete quickly thought about the offer for vegan food, and while he was a confirmed carnivore; he drunkenly reasoned that a cauliflower "steak" and some tofu couldn't cause much harm. Considering the shape his body was in after years of booze, pills, greasy food and a serious fiber deficiency, he was wrong and soon to be dead wrong. As Floyd and Pete wobbled over to the vegan joint, Floyd excitedly babbled on about the uses he'd found for Monkey Fry dust; most of them were legal. He'd mentioned something about "unobtainium" several times, but between Floyd's slurred words and Pete's excessive BAC, nothing really sunk in, like trying to use LSB on 20 meters. They arrived and were quickly ushered to Floyd's accustomed conversation pit and were left with two menus printed on recycled QST mags, their increasingly erratic thoughts and a really annoying, almost unrecognizable new age rendition of "Roll out the Barrel" playing on the overhead speakers.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#16

Post by K9ase »

A soft breeze ruffled the curtains as Cardella lounged across the bed wearing her favorite lace bed jacket pursuing the latest copy of QST.
The wind shifted and she recognized the unforgettable stench of Limburger, cauliflower, and bean curd. She reminisced of days gone by. Her days at the Buzzard, her affair with the wandering shoe salesman from Manhatten.
Most of all she recalled her lust for Floyd. Because of her loyalty to the Chinese underground Floyd was now a prize she could never win. Floyd was just the means to an end now. He was only a tool in the quest for unobtainium.
Perhaps Floyd and Chorizo were near. She wasn't sure, one thing she was sure of was what she'd give anything to see the burned-out shell of a man she'd known and to watch El Chorizo sip on a watered-down Shirley temple.
"Life is hard;It's harder when you're stupid"
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#17

Post by Bubbathegimp »

She could never understand Floyd's infatuation with cucumbers When Floyd could have her instead, But she had misunderstood Floyd's mutterings when she once heard him exclaim that he wanted to ride the cucumber...
Perhaps the misunderstanding arose from the fact that at the time, She Herself was being hot pickled while Fantasizing over Extra Fine...
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#18

Post by AC8UN »

Bubbathegimp wrote: Tue Aug 06, 2019 7:03 am She could never understand Floyd's infatuation with cucumbers When Floyd could have her instead, But she had misunderstood Floyd's mutterings when she once heard him exclaim that he wanted to ride the cucumber...
Perhaps the misunderstanding arose from the fact that at the time, She Herself was being hot pickled while Fantasizing over Extra Fine...
Johnson she just had to get her hooks into Extra Fine Johnson. But how, if she could accumulate enough monkey fry dust and turn it into some sort of hollow state amplifier that might do the trick. Johnson would never be taken in by that doped sillycone stuff.
Now civilized for your protection. :Grin:
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#19

Post by W9FTV »

Bubbathegimp wrote: Tue Aug 06, 2019 7:03 am She could never understand Floyd's infatuation with cucumbers When Floyd could have her instead, But she had misunderstood Floyd's mutterings when she once heard him exclaim that he wanted to ride the cucumber...
Perhaps the misunderstanding arose from the fact that at the time, She Herself was being hot pickled while Fantasizing over Extra Fine...
[Ed: do you really want to go there? :Dounlebirdie: :Rolling: ]
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#20

Post by Bubbathegimp »

W9FTV wrote: Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:45 pm
Bubbathegimp wrote: Tue Aug 06, 2019 7:03 am She could never understand Floyd's infatuation with cucumbers When Floyd could have her instead, But she had misunderstood Floyd's mutterings when she once heard him exclaim that he wanted to ride the cucumber...
Perhaps the misunderstanding arose from the fact that at the time, She Herself was being hot pickled while Fantasizing over Extra Fine...
[Ed: do you really want to go there? :Dounlebirdie: :Rolling: ]
I thought Sailors lived to explore uncharted waters.... :Grin: :Rolling:
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