Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#61

Post by W9FTV »

K9ase wrote: Thu Aug 08, 2019 8:06 pm Yodeling Pete winced in pain. His bowls had finally freed themselves after the all-night bender and unending appetizers at the vegan joint. He was still suffering from uncontrollable bouts of flatulence though and the mere thought of a Capri or Zima
made him wish he'd a blackout. Pete had noticed Jeeves come into town. He'd thought he'd seen him head toward the furriers but knew that was unlikely after his previous stay in the pokey. Beside he muttered Why would someone shop for a fursuit in August if they were busily butlering or doing whatever it is butlers do. The only thing Pete knew for sure was that he felt as if his head was about to explode and was considering pulling out one eyeball just to relive the pressure.
Flatulent Pete had already suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns after trying to light a cigarette and was in absolute agony. "Jesus" he thought "I need to come up with a new gig for a more modern time." While wallowing in a filth filled ditch on Main Street, he'd noticed that he had gained an amazing amount of control over his sphincter. Just for giggles, he'd tried "Yankee Doodle Dandy" and was suitably impressed. A local walked by and threw some spare change in the hat next to him.

Years ago, while still tenuously attached to a reality not far removed from this one, he'd stumbled across the Wikipedia entry for "Le Petomane" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane
the idea had spread deep roots in his mind. He'd immediately forgotten the incident, but the confluence of recent events brought it rushing back to the forefront of his severely compromised mind. Pete was reborn as a "fartiste." Maybe, this time, the field was ripe for a revival and St. Mel of the Greater Brooks Order would approve.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#62

Post by W9FTV »

El Chorizo had been busy. He'd been able to scrounge the guts from 25 old CRT TV sets from the dump and an old battery operated "digital decision generator" that really didn't do much even though CEO's everywhere loved the fact that it relived them from the burden of the constant demands that running a multinational corporation made upon their time and freed them up for more time with their mistresses. It contained the guts to the 1.3MV power supply that he needed.
He'd also scored the entire run of "Who's the Boss" on betamax, an arguably superior format that starred Alyssa Milano as a child, before she'd become a complete hysterical lump of soundbites for CNN.

He'd also found a recipe book inside of an old SB-101, [Ed: mah bad FT-101] chassis that could be interesting.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#63

Post by W9FTV »

EF had been busy too. He'd been busy trawling Ebay for the diodes for days. Although it was an unknown at this point, He and El Chorizo had assumed that the diode would be consumed in the conversion of crap to unobtainium. Based on that assumption, he'd concluded that they'd quickly run out of stock. He'd started looking elsewhere and had been considering a purchase of 50,000 Soviet KD521V's but was unsure that they'd do the job. He'd have to talk to El Chorizo before committing the funds.
He'd also laid in a stock of the Ben and Jerry's Ice cream, but really wasn't sure why it was necessary. Something to ask Chozie later.


Amazon had an inexhaustible supply of Duct tape, so that wasn't a problem, they'd also had 750k gallons of cinnamon flavored KY lube on hand.
The biggest worry was that these orders would be substituted with cheap Chinese knockoffs or worse, that porch pirates would spirit away everything; leaving our intrepid heroes with nothing but stupid looks on their faces.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#64

Post by Bubbathegimp »

:Rolling:
Da Gubamint Taketh
Da Gubamint Giveth Away
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#65

Post by W9FTV »

The Nun was an enigma wrapped in a riddle. No one knew where she came from, she'd always seemed a quiet and vaguely disapproving part of Pat's life. They went everywhere together: The local dispensary, the pastrami place, beer and ramen runs. Lost in the mists of time was the truth about the Nun. At one time, she'd been a novitiate at a convent where Mom was steadily working her way up the food chain. Mom had noticed that The Nun was different, she didn't waste time on small talk and idle chatter like the rest of the novitiates, she'd kept her own counsel and worked hard. Even now, she wouldn't say shit if she had a mouthful. Ever the devotee of Machiavelli, Mom wasn't sure what to make of The Nun, but believed that she could be useful in future. They'd stayed in touch over the years with the odd Christmas card and family newsletters.

Years later, Mom had been shooting the shit with EF over a few beers and noticed he had a web page up on that other site that had pictures of The Nun and what turned out to be her husband in Hawaii. "A girl can't have too many friends" Mom thought and later sent out a call for The Nun.
The Nun heeded the call, and as luck would have it, Field Day was fast approaching. She'd be able to get away for the weekend and sent word to Mother Superior. The Nun was nothing if not proper and always referred to people by their given names or titles.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#66

Post by AC8UN »

Patrick having been brow beaten into it by the good nun agreed to meet Mother Superior in a public place where he felt safe the local Knights of Columbus hall. Rolling in on his customized Daytonmobile he held up 2 fingers so the bartender knew that he wanted his usual 2 pitchers of beer.
He spied Mom and rolled over to her table made the sign of the cross and took a long pull from the first pitcher of beer and told Mom to put her ruler away it would do her no good as the brothers at the Catholic high school had made him immune to them.
Mom knew at that moment that this would be a tough negotiation.
Pat told her these are my terms, I want a mint SX88, a lifetime supply of catnip for Phoebe and Penelope, and all of the Hindu Kush I can possibly ever smoke. That's it let me know when you've got it.
Now civilized for your protection. :Grin:
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#67

Post by W9FTV »

Mom thought about Pat's terms and believed they were acceptable, but the arrogant prick wasn't going to get off that easy.
"Well, Pat" she said; "the radio and weed aren't a problem, the catnip may take some doing."
She knew and had dirt on several hams who'd be happy to sell their entire families to make sure Mom didn't come back for any favors. She also knew that the Benedictines up in Humboldt county had an illegal grow operation that produced the finest weed humanity has ever known. "Good thing those boys take pride in their work" she thought.

Pat replied, "Let me know when you can get the catnip and we have a deal."
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
Never ring the bell. -- Adm William McRaven
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#68

Post by K9ase »

Pat rested his head loosely in his hands. I can't believe I let her get off that easy he mumbled. Pat knew that pacifying that holy terror Penelope was a must so the catnip must come first.
But what he really needed was a larger Instant pot. His 6-quart pot was fine for kids stuff like making chili but if he was going to play a hand in unobtanium he'd need an 8 quart. He didn't want to seem greedy but the all in one 9quart with air fryer might be extremely useful in processing the needed monkey fry dust. All of that was in Mom's hands now so there was nothing he could do but wait. But what should he do while waiting he wondered, play games with the "man-eating" Pitbulls while trying to avoid becoming their next chew toy? Or should he just sit and ponder the origins of the "big rock" and how he may put it to good use.
"Life is hard;It's harder when you're stupid"
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#69

Post by W9FTV »

In a blinding flash of inspiration, Pat had the answer. "With a lifetime supply of catnip, I could sell some and make enough to score the 8 quart Instant Pot!"
It never occurred to him that by selling a little of the killer Kush, he could get ten of the highly overrated kitchen appliances much faster. " Who knows? I might even be able to score the 9 quart with air fryer." he chuckled.

Thinking about his greatly improved fortunes, he told himself that The Nun would just have to learn to live with the "New Pat 2.0, soon to be baked 24/7 ."
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. --Winston Churchill
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Re: Chapter 13 Rode hard and put away wet. The Cucumber lives!

#70

Post by AC8UN »

Little did the good nun know that the McDonald's Bill was going to rise exponentially. :Rolling:
Now civilized for your protection. :Grin:
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